For many Christians there is probably someone in your family or perhaps many, that has not been saved or choose not to follow God. It can be very hard to understand, and often very painful emotionally. You love your family and with a deep belief in God, it makes you have a sense of urgency for them. We know as Christians that if you do not receive Jesus as your savior and repent of your sins you will spend eternity separated from God. Christians believe this so strongly and we know that tomorrow is not promised. You can have a car accident, illness, or anything that might end your life here on earth today. Who wouldn’t want to see their loved one again in heaven?
Often Christians get angry and judgmental towards those family members who choose not to come to God. God is our creator, our maker and we love Him, but to those not following God, doesn’t mean anything. To tell them that hell awaits those not saved, means nothing to them. Telling them that Jesus is their savior and they need Him, doesn’t mean a thing. God is a spirit, and those who worship or pray must do so spiritually. If your family member is not spiritual, how can they understand the things of God?
Christians can not control someone’s beliefs. You can’t make them love God, or even seek Him.
I remember a young man who worked at a shoe store, next to the salon I worked at in the mall. Every week, he would catch me going into work or leaving and he would stop to talk to me. He witnessed to me and told me about God, he tried so hard, bless his heart but it went in one ear and out the other. I wasn’t really listening, I would just stand and nod and smile to be polite but didn’t give a hoot what he was telling me. I had no idea what half the stuff he was trying to say. It’s like explaining to someone in detail how to work on a car engine, when they have never even heard of a car before or know what a car does. Completely and utterly clueless and in my own world. Why didn’t I listen harder or ask questions to understand? Because I wanted to live for me no one else. I wanted to control my life and live however I wanted, it was all about self.
In the days that Jesus was living, his problem was convincing people He is the Messiah. There was never an issue as to whether God really existed, the Jews already believed in God. When you have a family member who is Atheist, they believe there is no God. When you have a family member who is Agnostic, they may or may not believe in a God. Not the God of the Jews, but maybe a more universal God. They don’t believe there ever was a savior, or any need for salvation. Agnostic view is more like, if I treat someone well, then that means I am a good person and that’s all I need. But they still don’t believe in heaven or hell. In their understanding it all really doesn’t matter because there are no consequences for anything, because well, there is no judgment.
What do you do with that? When a family member tells you their beliefs, or unbeliefs it is hard to take. To us it seems so simple, you wonder why don’t they get it? Often it causes emotional grief, you believe in your heart so strongly that God IS, that you want them to feel the same way. How can a person go through life and not know God? How can someone believe that when you die, this is all there is? What a horrible way to live. Then you need to reflect and remember when you came to Christ. Some of you may have known God since childhood while others found Him a little later in life. You never know when someone will come to God.
We are not in control of a loved one’s salvation. God is the only one in control, God already knows the path a person is choosing. Sometimes when a tragedy happens in a person’s life it brings them closer to God, while others run away faster, blaming God. God allows us to have the freedom to choose, and we must respect others for their choices. We may not agree with it, we may shed tears over it, but ultimately God is in control of the situation. We pray everyday for loved ones, my mother prayed for my father for about 45 years and he received Jesus as his savior two years before he went home to be with the Lord. She would have loved for my father to have found the Lord earlier, to live together in Christ and have a Christian home. It just doesn’t always work the way we hope, or when we want it to.
When you talk to a family member who is not a Christian, you should always take care how you speak. You do not want to cause strife, but it must be done in love. Jesus did not come and judge, he simply stated the Truth and continued on. We should not judge those who are not Christians. It only makes people defensive, calling Christians ‘Holier than Thou,” or “Holy Rollers,” or worse. You cannot lead a horse to water by beating them, and when they get there you can’t make them drink. Everything is according to God’s will and God’s time, not ours. No matter how painful it may be to sit back and watch a loved one so far from God, it must be according to God’s will. There may be family members who never find God, then they pass on. As sad as that may be, it’s true. If that person was meant to follow God they will find Him. Sometimes in the strangest ways. One day they wake up and decide they are going to blow the dust off that Bible and start reading.
If you are married to a non-Christian spouse, things can even get harder. When you are a Christian you want so badly to have a Christian home. Both parents and children going to church, praying together, and loving God together. Women are told to allow the man to be the head of the house, while their job is to take care of the home and children. If the husband is not a Christian, he is like a blind man leading the blind, you both fall into the ditch. How can he lead if he is living for himself and not God? How can he support the wife or children with questions about scripture if he doesn’t read the Bible? If he lives a life that is not pleasing to God, how can he be an example to his wife or children? The Scriptures tell us that as believers we should marry a believer. So many reasons why it’s best to not marry if you both are not grounded in God, I won’t list them. But if you both are not Christians and one of you become a Christian later, then it can be a blessing, not a nightmare.
The Nightmare Part - Yes, it is hard to be in a marriage when you are both living different lives. This can cause all sorts of problems, because you are not connecting to you spouse. As a Christian your world revolves around God, which can often make the spouse resentful or jealous, because they are not first in line. Maybe you and your spouse no longer sit and watch the same television programs or like the same music. Maybe you choose not to go with your spouse to a nightclub or other activities that may be contrary to your beliefs. The non-believing spouse may seek companionship in someone that shares their interests which can lead to adultery. They may become argumentative or distant, they may try to spend the least amount of time possible with you. They may do things to try and get you to ‘lighten’ up, or persuade you to ‘have fun the way you use to.’ If you first shared the same interests which is what attracted you to each other, the spouse is still living how you both may have lived. They are probably looking at you like you are the problem not them and it’s all your fault.
First and foremost, don’t push them, sometimes that makes a person run faster. If you and your spouse can sit and communicate with each other then there can be a peaceful solution. Let your spouse know that you are not going to judge or push them. But just as you respect them and their feelings, they should respect yours. Find common interests of things you can do together that won’t conflict with serving God. Instead of the nightclub scene, go camping together, take a cooking class together, there are a numbers of things that won’t interfere with your faithfulness to God. Make time for each other and keep things on a positive note, laughter helps a lot. Show your spouse that Christians are allowed to still have fun, it just may be a different type of fun. Let your spouse know what you feel comfortable with and what you don’t. But also allow them to tell you the same. It’s a compromise, without compromising your faith.
In 1 Corinthians 7 - We are told that as long as the unbelieving spouse wishes to remain with the believing spouse (allowing the Christian spouse to follow God), then it’s fine to stay together, sometimes the actions or words of a believer can change the heart of the non-believing.
The Blessing - You have found God! You have chosen to live for Him and received Jesus Christ as your Savior. You were blind, and now you see. You have the Holy Spirit, your helper dwelling in you right now. You are no longer lost, searching to find that peaceful assurance that now we have in God. We always have God with us, loving us as a Father loves his child. You can lead by example all the good things of the spirit of Christ. Patience, meekness, forgiveness, compassion, and love. You can feel God’s presence and see the blessings in your life. You can tell others of all that you continually learn about God and through prayer lead others to Christ. With your love for God, the Holy Spirit is creating a new you, a better you. Less stress or worry, because we know that God is in charge. We feel more love towards others because we have more compassion. We awaken each day having confidence in our salvation and spending eternity with a loving God. If God dwells in you then you must continue to walk in faith and allow God to handle the things you pray for.
God does not guarantee that you will not have trials, but God is watching how you handle them.
When you ask God to give you patience, instead of Him giving you patience, perhaps he presents a situation where you need to be patient. Which in turn strengthens you to learn more patience. When you ask Him to help you with your anger, perhaps God presents an opportunity for you to curb your anger. Your actions must glorify God in everything you do or say. If you are a Christian you are representing Christ, or being Christ-like. Therefore, let your light shine. If your loved one doesn’t want to hear you talk to them about God, that’s alright. You must continue to walk in God, and don’t allow temptation to lead you astray. Study your Bible, go to church, have Christian friends. Seek to strengthen your relationship to God. Let God take the lead and let God be your focus, and God will work out the rest in due time.
God Bless
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