By Apsotle william K. A Korir
Mrs Pauline Chesang Ngenoh (PED,MLIS)
Pauline had a face to face talk with Apostle William K Korir and she shared her life experience and challenges which will no doubt encourage all women reading this article. Below is the verbertim of Pauline’s Life experience as a High School teacher, Senior Manager of high flying Corporations and a mother, as told the Apostle.The narrative is in a Question and answer form.
Q-Apostle: Pauline I believe you are in good health. Can you give me in brief your background information.
A-Pauline: Thank you Apostle! indeed as you can see, I’am in good health. My background is loaded with great challenges but I ‘am pleased to note that God has enabled me to overcome all the challenges. My names are Pauline Chesang Ngenoh (Mrs). I got married to Mr. David Ngenoh in 1982 while pursuing my first-degree course at the University of Nairobi. My beloved husband Mr. Daniel Ngenoh is a Geophysist (majored in Petrolium Exploration). I attained my Bachalors degree in Education (BED) from the University of Nairobi, with an upper Second Class honours. I joined Kipsigis Girls (Kericho) in 1985, before moving to St. Teresa's girls secondary school in Nairobi, where I taught up to 1991. Later that year I and my husband David, jetted out of the country, to pursue master's degree in Canada.
I attained my first degree as a perchalor of Education from the Kenyatta University and my masters degree in MLIS, from the University of Western Ontario, and worked briefly in Canada before flying back to the counry, with my husband. On arrival from overseas, I secured a job with KCCT where I worked as an Academic Registrar for six years, from the year 1994 to the year 2000. I later joined The Kenya Anti Corruption Agency (KACA) in the year 2000 and left in the year 2001. I joined NCPB a governement Parastatal in 2002 as the Sales and Marketing Manager and in 2007 the management re-disignated me as the Research and Development Manager (RDM) and in March 2008 I was further assigned additional duties as the Personal Assistant to the managing Dierector (PA to MD).
I ‘am a happilly married Woman and we have been blessed with three lovely grown up children (two sons and a daughter), Albert, Benard and Carren. Albert and Bernard are unidentical twins. Benard Completed his first degree in International Business Management in the year 2007, which he attained from the United States Interanational University (USIU) and he is currently working with a Computer firm in Nairobi City, while Albert, is pursuing B.Com. degree with Strathmore University College. Carren is on her 5th year pursuing her degree on Medicine from the University of Nairobi.
Q-Apostle: You have a very rich background and no doubt God has blessed you indeed; with a wonderful husband, children and a high flying job. Tell me where does your husband work?
A-Pauline: My husband used to work in the government and he was later appointed to head a Kenya National Oil Corporation (KNOC) which is a government Parastatal which deals with petriolium. He was lremoved from office in 1992. He is currently involved in consultancy to sustain the family.
My husband lost his job at the time when I needed him most. My children had just completed high school and were to join university. The challenges I faced helped me greately for it shaped my destiny, especially in the way I handled my family affairs. The children had to continue with their schooling, despite the trying times we underwent.
The biggest challenge was that of my husband coming to terms with what went on in his life. He was persecuted and lost his job just for political reasons. His greatest sin in the eyes of his persecutors was because of his stand on transparency. His detractors wanted him to do things contracry to the Corporations lay down procedures but he resisted their desire, however because of their link with the centre of power they influended his sacking. This traumatised all of us and I had to do everything possible within my means to ensure the family’s needs were continually sustained. My husband had to manage the affairs back at home (about 200 kilometres away from the city of Nairobi) by doing farming and rearing our animals. In our Country it is usually odd for men to remain in the village, while their wives work in the Cities. It is usually the other way round; the wives are left at home to take care of all the families’ resources. As for our case, there were no two ways about it. My husband had to put up with the stigmatisation of running the family affairs in the village, while I work in the Capital City. Me personally, I wanted my husband to be with me, but we needed money to educate our children and for our upkeep. The salary I earned could not cater for all the needs so my husband had to remain home to manage family farming and cattle rearing. Each year we planted over 50 acres of maize and sold Milk. These supported to a larger extent the family’s bloated financial requirements.
Q-Apostle: Sorry for what happened to you and especially, for your husband losing his job. Are you bitter with those who instigated this suffering to your family?
A-Pauline: No! No! No!…. Not at all. In fact I work for the government. When it comes to work politics, things are unpredictable. This things happen all the time and to every one. In fact when my husband was promoted to the post by the same people who removed him (even though he qualified) after refusing to bend the corporation’s rules. What I was amplifying is the pain one goes through under such circumstances and the one to bear the brant is normaly the wife (or husband) and the children.
Q-Apostle: What has been your guiding principles leading to succes in your life?
A-Pauline: I belief that we all ought to work hard in order to achieve our goals. We must set our goals and put our priorities right. It is better to take risks – that is to say; It is better to work hard and fail than not to try at all. I plan for the things I wish to do and list them according to its importance. Whenever I attempt a project and fail; I do not give up but I try again and again. There is a story of an army commander who was defeated in the war and his army scampered for safety. The Commander also ran for dear life and hid in a gave. His pursuers came upto the entrance of his hiding place and he overheard them saying that he wasn’t in the gave when they saw a spider web at the entrance to the gave. He was grateful that the tiny insect had saved his life by building a web at the entrance to the gave. He took time to study the insect as it continued to re-build and undo his web. After studying the spider for several hours he discovered that the spider although it was small kept trying to build its web but each time it failed to meet the insect’s standard, so it destroyed and started the process again and again. The spider repeated the process several times but no matter how difficult it was to build a web, the insect was patient and it tried again and again to achieve its goal. The spider never gave up hope and in the end it finally succeeded to build a perfect web strong enough to trap its meal. While the commandant was still sitted in the gave, a fly came by and got caught in the web. The Spider came and feasted in its meal therefore reaping the fruits of its hard work. The army general went back to his country and rebuild his army and once he was satisfied that his army had acquired enough training he went back to war and eventually worn the war overwhemingly, and got an opportunity to rule the world. This was non other than Darius the mede. We must always work hard and no matter how many times we fail, we should strive to win. I do not belief in failure and I always belief in succeeding, this is the secret to my success.
Q-Apostle: How have you been balancing the demanding work in your high profile office with your role as a mother?
A-Pauline: It is indeed a tall order to work in a male dominated environment both in the village level and in the urban centres. For a woman to be recognized, she needs to work at least three times more than men. I believe in hard work and indeed sometimes I feel I ‘am a workaholic. Sometimes I feel I haven’t given sufficient time and attention to my beloved children, whom I stay with. I have always tried to give them my best but I also have a duty to serve my employer and the country in general, and deliver. Being human; many a times I fail to give full attention to those dependants but in the overall I try as much as possible to do all I could to the best of my ability.In general I ‘am aggressive and persistent in the way I do things. I’am also focused and couragious when it comes to plunging into new projects. I have failed many times, but I have never stopped trying, and in the end my efforts have yielded fruits. My advise to women and mothers is for them to give the best they can; first to their family and secondly to the society.
Q-Apostle: How is your relationship like between you, your husband and children, particularly, where your husband is not working and you are a high profile working modern woman?
A-Pauline: I have a very good, loving, understanding and caring husband. Despite being over 200 kilometres away, I talk to him frequently in a day and regularly. It is like we are together. When my youths becomes difficult to handle, I call him on phone and he soughts out the issues. He is always near to us even though he is far away at home. He gets a breast of what is going on around us. I travel home regularly and where I ‘am not able to do so, because of backlog of office work, he comes to Nairobi. By saying this I do not want give an impression that we have a smooth ride. My husband being a geophisist, does his things in a certain way. On the contrary, I like taking quick decision over matters and therefore we are two different people living together. Sometimes the state of affairs leads us in a collision cause and to overcome this we have developed a lot of patience and tolerance and we have been able to cope very well as a couple. We sometimes differ in principle and sometimes our relationship degenerate to the point of breaking down but we have always overcame the stalemate through dialogue.
Q-Apostle: Have you acquired some properties and do you involve your husband in ownership?
A-Pauline: This is a very sensitive matter to many spouses. A wise woman must invest wisely. Some women because of some perceived insecurity tended to invest secretly. Their actions are largely influenced by dishonest women out to wreck the families of unintelligent women. This is not good, as when they are discovered, things will not go down well with their spouses. Married women should discuss with their husbands whenever they want to procure for example land, houses etc. If they refuse they should remain patient and look for a conducive opportunity to bring up the matter again. I have several properties whose titles are enjoined between my husband and myself. There are also others which are in my name and some in his name. Even though the properties are in my name they still belong to the family, just as those in my husband’s name belongs to us. Before I purchase anything in my name, I always consult him as a sign of respect to him as the head of the family and when he is available he accompanies me to assess the venture. I only go ahead to buy the property as soon as he has given a nod. As for the properties I have, my husband knows all of them and there is no secret at all about them. The course of mistrust in some families is mainly caused by living secret life and this attitude is normaly revealed in the end, since it is very difficult to conceal one’s secrets for ever. My advise to my fellow sisters is to remain transparent in all their endeavours in order to build happy and secure homes. Married couples must always work towards harmonious living and cement their relationship for happy marriage.
Married women should understand their spouses and always dialoque whenever they face challenges. There are millions of opportunities to undertake and still make it. It is common knowledge that most men feels uncomfortable when women buy a piece of land. If your spouce refuse to allow you to buy land, do not insist on going against his wish, you may try other opportunities and still succeed.
In cases where a husband receives external influence which is detrimental to the welbeing of the family, you should create common understanding/activities that can help bond the family together.
All women must know that they have a purpose in life and they must therfore work hard in all spheres of their lives. They should never entertain in their thoughts that they are insignificant and of little import. Women are the agents of change in their families and they must therefore appreceiate this important role. For them to live their life to the fullest, they must associate with positive thinking people and avoid like leprosy associating with negative thinking people, for they are stress carriers, anti development and are difficult to change - they are pessimists. On the other hand men should know that they have partners in their lives to compliment each other.
Q-Apostle: What message can you give to the widows and Single women mothers/women?
A-Pauline: Many a times the sisters who fall under this category have bore the brand of antagonism by those around them. They are sometimes treated with suspecion and are isolated for no apparent reason. I wish to assure them that there are many opportunities open to them and they must therefore rise from their ashes and develop self esteem. They should not look back in regret for the loss of their loved once but they should move on as life must continue. They must understand that in life; one must be focused on achieveing the set goals. They must be principled, knowing what they are doing and be ready at all times to learn from others – doing things gracefully. It is true the members society treats these persons differently; but they must learn to stand on their own feet and work hard for their families.
Q-Apostle: What message can you give to the girls?
A-Pauline: The girls are the mothers of tommorrow and their future life therfore largely depends on what they are doing today. I would like to tell them that in whatever they do; they should do it to the best of their ability. They must understand that it is the ordinary people who makes extra ordinary changes in life. Remember Margrate thatcher the famed Iron Lady was a mere grocer attendant – but through her hard work and detremination she became a Prime Minister in a Powerful nation and was able to chart the world destiny during her time. All girls irrespective of their age should therefore know that - “It is better to leave behind a legacy than to drift along”. Girls! Start shapping your future NOW! through hard work and determination.
Q-Apostle: Thank you Pauline for your contribution I believe they will all be blessed by your message. Finally, are you saved?
A-Pauline: Apostle I ‘am usually discouraged by people who go along, proclaiming they are saved. I ‘am at times embarrassed by some people who openly declares their christian stand and when you look at what they do, they are in sharp contrast to what they purpot to be. I know Apostle, you must be surprised with my sentiments but as a principled woman; I belief Christian faith should help me have a clear life;
being a better wife,
A better friend,
a good mother,
A good person in the eyes of all mankind and God.
I would like to wake up every morning to do nice things because of my Christianity.
Q-Apostle: Are you a Christian?
A-Pauline: Yes Apsotle, I ‘am a christian and I endeaver each day to do good and to forgive those who wrong me and seek forgiveness from those I wrong.
Apostle: Thank you! very much Pauline, for availing yourself from your busy schedule to share with me this wonderful experience and I pray to God to bless you and guide you in all your endeavours. I wish to inform you that God have good plans for mankind and that is why during the creation, He put Adam in deep sleep and removed a rib from his side which he used to create a help meet for Adam (Genesis 2: 21-24). It is therefore important for all to marry and live harmoniously. Hatred in families do not originate from God but it is from the devil the enemy of mankind; who lied from the beginning and has brought a curse to the entire world. The suffering we are all going through was as a result of the devil who misled Adam and Eve and led them to sin against God(Genesis 3:1-4), Genesis 3:14-16).
Families were established by God in creation and God wills that all live in harmony and in love. In the Holy Scriptures God commands all women to submit to their husbands and equally He commands all men to LOVE their wives. When God’s directive is followed, LOVE is enshrined in the Homes. (Ephesians 5: 22-25).
