OVERCOMING DEPRESSION AND WORRY

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By Apostle William Korir

Things People Have Said About Depression, Worry and Feeling Down Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them. --Author Unknown Depressed people think they know themselves, but maybe they only know depression. --Mark Epstein There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them. --Claire Boothe Luce Our attitude towards suffering becomes very important because it can affect how we cope with suffering when it arises. --The Dalai Lama of Tibet It's official: Music lifts depression. Many studies have shown that music has a marked effect on mood and self-esteem. Music is a direct route to the emotional realm. --Jonathan G. Zuess, (Wisdom of Depression) A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. --Geoffrey Norman Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. --Mary C. Crowley Worry is a sustained form of fear caused by indecision. --Brian Tracy Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. -Michael Pritchard Have the courage to live. Anyone can die. --Robert Cody So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. --The Eagles, (Already Gone) The Obligatory Blurb of the Type that Long Things Customarily Have at the Beginning, that it's best to read so you know what's what Introduction This article is much longer than many on the Internet, but you may well find it contains lots and lots of helpful information. It's written slightly differently to most articles, but that doesn't make the information more difficult to follow. Most of the self-help articles in this series each have a story at the beginning, and then the rest of each is like the main character in the story looking at self-help information and thinking, "That's interesting, this information says [whatever it says], ... and this information says [whatever it says]", and so on. Most of the articles explain what the information says as if it's the person thinking it through and coming up with ideas about how to get over their problems. The idea is that you take inspiration from what's written down in the form of their thoughts to work out your own self-help regime, setting yourself tasks to do that will help you improve things bit by bit over the coming days or weeks, based on the self-help information. You don't have to do everything the article says for things to work, and you don't have to do the things you do do in the exact way the article suggests people do them. Just do what you like the idea of, and what you think will be of most benefit. Imagine this article is somehow giving you privileged access to the thoughts of Helen, the main character in the following story/article about someone thinking about ways to get over her depression. You plan to use the ideas she has about what might change her situation as inspiration to turn your life around. Your depression might have been caused by different things than what caused hers, but you may be able to see a way to get over yours in the same way she contemplates getting over hers. The characters discovering the information in the articles in this series are fictional, but the events are true to life. Contents of the Sections and Sample Subsections The Causes of Depression When the Brain Doesn't Seem to Work Why Depressed People can Wake Up So Tired and Unmotivated The Problems with the Kinds of Worries Depressed People Tend to Have Getting a More Refreshing Sleep Relaxation Exercises Stopping Ourselves Worrying and Thinking the Worst Finding Things to Amuse us When Things Remind us of Bad Things in the Past How to Turn Fear of Failure into Anticipation of Success Handling Other People's Negative Criticisms of us How Some Drugs, Food, Exercise and Alcohol can Affect our Mood Some Prescription Drugs can Cause Depression Exercise Can Help Lift the Mood Food that Can Help Lift the Mood Alcohol Can Make Depression Worse What to Do when Grieving Causes Depression Getting Emotional Needs Met The Emotional Needs we Have Working Out What Needs Aren't Being Met Changing Things Little by Little Encouraging Ourselves by Thinking about Past Achievements For Anyone who Wants to Withdraw from Anti-Depressants What to Do when we Start to Feel Down Again After we've Recovered from Depression Go to the end of the article if you'd like to know the main sources used in creating it. Before putting any ideas that you might pick up from this article into practice, please read the disclaimer at the bottom of the page. This article may well be too long to read all in one go, so if you like the parts of it you browse, feel free to save it to your computer and read it bit by bit over the coming days or weeks as you choose, since it's really designed to be taken in as a step-by-step process anyway rather than a one-off. It'll also make it handy to read bits of it again and again, since it's normal for people to forget most of what they read the first time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Story The Way Things Are Before They Begin to Improve The Reasons Helen Became Depressed Helen has been depressed on-and-off for years. Her parents were both pessimists and never gave her any confidence that she could succeed in life. So she developed a pessimistic personality as well. This made her prone to depression, but her depression got worse after her first boyfriend Adrian died of a very rare heart condition. She was extremely upset, but after a while she got another boyfriend, who she moved in with. But he became abusive, and her neighbours intimidated her because they invited people around at weekends who did antisocial and potentially dangerous things, like threw fireworks over the fence into her garden, and she was convinced they took drugs , and she worried they might become aggressive if she complained. She split up with her boyfriend and moved to another area, but she was very upset about the way things had turned out. Now she often falls deep into depression. Especially at night, she finds herself brooding over what happened, and worrying and worrying about her future and making herself miserable. This makes it difficult for her to sleep at night. Then she feels tired and depressed in the morning, and feels as if she doesn't want to get up because she just can't face the day. She's unemployed, because she doesn't think she could cope with a job. She has a new boyfriend who she's attached to, but he's studying in another part of the country and doesn't see her as much as she'd like, and she feels insecure that she'll lose him, or that he'll turn out like the one she lived with. Every time they have an argument or he says he'll come and see her but then tells her he's had to change his plans and put the visit off, she spirals down into a terrible depression where she's certain everything's hopeless and nothing will ever work out, and perhaps it would be best to commit suicide to end the misery. She has had counselling for her depression, but it made her feel worse rather than better, and she ended up feeling even more suicidal, because the counsellor encouraged her to talk about all the things that had gone wrong in her past, and so it brought them all to mind again, and when she went back to her house on her own, she just spent more time worrying and brooding over them, making herself more upset still. When Things Begin to Look Up One day, a friend, Alison, tells Helen that there are techniques people can use to get over depression quickly. She recommends a book she's sure will be helpful and a few websites. On her better days, Helen looks at them. Helen's Contemplation of Several Things she Hopes Will Turn her Life Around Helen thinks: Part One The Causes of Depression: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't go for this auto-cannibalism. Very damaging. --Peter O'Toole, on psychoanalysis A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. --Joey Adams -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know all my worrying is unhealthy really, but I can't seem to stop myself. It must be bad to spend hours lying on my bed every day like I do, just feeling upset about what's gone wrong. And as soon as I go to bed at night, I start mulling over the worries of the day again and all my problems, worrying and worrying about how bad things are without determining how to solve my problems. But I can't seem to help it or motivate myself to do things. But hopefully, there is a way to get better after all, like Alison says. I'll go to the library and see if I can get that book out, and look on the Internet at those websites she suggested. ... When the Brain Doesn't Seem to Work [Later On] I'm glad I did that. Now this is interesting information. It talks about relaxation, and why depressed people can feel so bad and find it difficult to sleep. It says that us depressed people can find it difficult to think of solutions to our problems because we get so emotional. It says that when we worry and worry, we can work ourselves up into such a state that the brain thinks things are getting towards crisis level, and a part of the brain called the amygdala floods the brain with so many emotional signals that it blocks the intelligent part of it from functioning, so we can find it much more difficult to solve problems or make decisions. Oh, I wonder if that's why I have problems with such small things sometimes, like thinking it would be nice to have a sandwich, but not even being able to decide whether I want cheese or peanut butter, so I end up not having anything and going hungry. Or it's similar when I'm in a supermarket and holding two packets of soap powder, taking minutes deciding which one to buy. I feel as if my brain just isn't working sometimes. But maybe that's why. The Reason it Happens The information says that the process of flooding the brain with a lot of chemical signals that causes it to become full of emotion and blocks the intelligent side from reasoning much about things makes us depressed, and so we might wish it didn't happen. But it's designed for something different, for when people are in extreme situations that might be life threatening where they have to act quickly, where it's beneficial to have the intelligent part of the brain temporarily closed down, because we can't spend time deciding on things, because to stop and consider all our options before doing anything about the situation might stop us running away in time, and we need the extra emotional tension to motivate us to act quickly. For instance, if we were in a country where there were wild animals on the loose and a tiger was coming, we'd need to just run away fast rather than stop and consider what was the best thing to do, because it could be eating us before we'd finished. So it's often best that the amygdala, the emotional side of the brain, takes over from the intelligent side when we need to do things in a hurry. It makes us react more quickly, because danger signals always reach it before they get to the intelligent side. That's why thinking clearly can become difficult under stress. When it Happens at Inappropriate Times, like with Phobias But the information says that the extreme emotional response is often brought about by inappropriate things. It can happen with anxiety and anger as well as with depression, and even with other emotions. For instance, a phobia of birds can be brought about after a child sees a bird fly into the house and a relative panicking instead of trying calmly to get it out. The child can learn to think they're helpless before birds and that birds can have unwanted control over them and so they're a threat. So whenever they see birds after that, their amygdala will send off danger signals without waiting for the intelligent part of the brain to decide whether there really is any danger or not. The emotional part leaps into gear, imagining it needs to do that, because if there was danger, it might be too late by the time it's allowed the person to think about it. So it does it quickly before the thinking part of the brain can decide what to do. The signals the amygdala sends out are designed to put the body into "fight or flight" mode, so it can defend itself more effectively or run away faster. The heart beats faster to pump more blood to the limbs where it might be needed to add strength to the body's resistance to the supposed threat. Adrenaline's released into the system. Breathing becomes faster to enable more oxygen to be pumped into the bloodstream where it can go to the muscles to give them more energy. Since these responses are triggered off sometimes when they aren't actually needed, they cause the symptoms people think of as panic attacks. That's why people with phobias can know their fear is irrational, but they might not know what they can do about it, since the fear comes on them automatically and suddenly. But they can re-train their brains to stop sending out the signals. That's interesting, because I've had a few panic attacks. It doesn't talk about them much here, but it does recommend other information about those. Maybe I'll investigate it when I've read through all the material about depression. When a Similar Thing Happens to Angry People The information says that similar things happen to angry people. When someone allows themselves to fly into a rage, the emotional side of their brain floods it with so many signals that they can't think intelligently. It's the same fight or flight mechanism that works when they're scared of something, that'll give them the energy to attack someone or something or run faster if they need to. But it means that their possibly otherwise average or good reasoning abilities vanish, and their brain becomes stuck on one track - "I want ... I want ...! How dare you! If you don't stop, I'm going to do ..."! It says it's very difficult to have an intelligent conversation with a person in a temper. Maybe that's why my old boyfriend seemed so unreasonable when he was angry. When it Happens with Depressed People It talks about that because it says that similar things happen with depressives. It says we'll often work ourselves up into a terrible state by worrying about things excessively. This will trigger the amygdala to flood the brain with so many danger signals that again, the intelligent side of it can't function. That's why we can so often think there's no hope, or our lives are ruined, and think the worst about things, instead of thinking through all the options we have in trying to solve our problems and seeing things as they really are, whereas when we're calmer, we can realise that there are actually quite a lot of things that could help us. That's interesting, because when I'm really depressed, I'm convinced that the reality is that everything's hopeless and ruined. But I don't think like that when I'm not depressed. The information says the next time we're in a similar situation to the one where our worry ended up making us feel so bad, the brain will remember that that type of situation triggered off the danger signals before and trigger them off again, so we'll get anxious and upset all the sooner. The system is designed to gear a person for action rather than thinking, which could take too long in a crisis where speedy action was necessary. In the case of depressives, the equivalent of the fight or flight response can be the urge to commit suicide to escape the situation. What We Can Do About It It says that depressed people need to calm down every time we notice we're beginning to work ourselves up into a state by the way we're thinking, so as to be able to allow the intelligent side of our brains to begin functioning properly again, so we can think of solutions to our problems. If we can calm down whenever we start to worry too much, we won't be endlessly tormenting ourselves by worrying without coming up with solutions, where we just make ourselves miserable and keep ourselves awake at might. The information says that a number of things can help us depressed people prevent the emotional side of our brains from flooding the rest with so many signals we can't think clearly. It says we can re-train our brains to react differently. It says that relaxation exercises can help us do this. They can even help to prevent suicide, because if we're in an emotional state, our brains might be stuck in an unhealthy thought pattern where all they can think of is that everything's gone wrong. Relaxing can cause the emotional signals to subside, so the intelligent part of our brains can take control again, so we can find it much easier to start thinking things through intelligently, realising things might not be as bad as we think, and solving our problems again. It says that usually, there will be things we can do to make the situation that upset us so much better, but in our emotional state, we just won't be able to think of them. So we might think things are disastrous when they aren't really. Lack of Motivation It says that Depressed people are often unmotivated to do much, losing interest in doing things even if we loved to do them before. Yes, that's true for me. I used to love doing gardening and cooking, but I just don't feel like doing those things now. The information says we can solve the problem of lack of motivation quickly, when we learn to stop worrying so much and get a better sleep. That'll refresh us properly, so we'll feel like doing things again. It says it explains how we can do this. Different Types of Sleep But first, it says that the problem of feeling too unmotivated to do things happens partly because we don't have the energy. It says that that's a result of our worrying and the way it affects our sleep. It says there's more than one type of sleep, slow-wave sleep, which is the refreshing kind where minor damage to the body is healed, energy levels are topped up, and the brain gets refreshed, and REM sleep, where we dream. It says depressed people have more dreaming sleep and less refreshing sleep than other people, and we start having long periods of dreaming sleep much earlier in the night than other people, before our energy levels have had a chance to be boosted much by the slow-wave sleep. Worrying is the Reason Depressed People Have More Dreaming Sleep It says that according to recent research, when a person dwells on things for hours, thinking about how bad they are, working themselves up into a state, not coming to any conclusions about what to actually do about the situation, which is a common depressive habit, emotional energy is stored in the brain. Because a solution to the problem hasn't been reached and given us relief, or we haven't got our feelings about it out of our systems during the day, the emotional energy doesn't have a chance to ebb away. It says when a person finally gets to sleep and dreams, emotional energy is discharged by the brain trying to sort through the events of the previous day or two and release the emotional energy all the worry caused so the brain can be refreshed for the following day. It says that the reason why people dream is to sort through events and get rid of emotional energy. Examples of Ways that Dreams can Release Emotional Energy So someone who was made angry by something someone said but didn't express their feelings about it might dream about something connected with that, whereas someone who got their feelings out of their system wouldn't. If we planned to go somewhere and were really looking forward to it but then couldn't go for some reason, the feelings aroused by our having wanted to go will still be around in our brains waiting to be acted on. But if we don't act on them, they have to be discharged, which is what happens when we dream. Similarly, if we had a craving to buy a cake from a shop we passed, but decided not to because we were trying to lose weight, the expectation that we'd enjoy it would still be around in the emotional part of our brain, even though we knew really that we weren't going to have it. So if we didn't satisfy the craving, the anticipation of eating the cake would be released from our system in some kind of metaphorical way when we were dreaming. It says that cravings and other emotions can hang around in the brain even when we're not aware that they're still there. The Reason Things Work That Way It says things have to work that way, since if we kept having emotions that we didn't respond to and there was no way we could get them out of our systems, the brain would rewire itself to stop them affecting us in case they damaged us, and then they wouldn't be available to us when we needed them. So a tree might start falling down near us, for example, but it wouldn't alarm us, because we'd have been desensitised to the feeling of alarm to stop it hanging around in the brain and disturbing us, so we wouldn't bother getting out of the way and we might suffer dire consequences. So dreams are a harmless way we can get rid of stored emotions. Other Reasons Emotional Energy can Build Up in the Brain It says the things that can cause emotional energy to build up in the brain can even be things like watching something on the television that scares us, or something that makes us angry, even if it's just something that's happening to a character in a drama series who we can identify with. If we carry on thinking about it, we won't have got the emotions out of our systems before we go to bed, so they'll need to be discharged in our sleep. Why Depressed People can Wake Up So Tired and Unmotivated It says that the release of emotional energy is meant to clear the brain of it and so refresh it for the following day. But depressives have so much emotional energy stored in our brains by the time we go to sleep that we dream more than most people while the brain tries to discharge it. Discharging it takes up energy. It says that the brain can use up a large amount of energy when it's dreaming. So instead of refreshing us, it has so much work to do that by the morning, we're worn out instead, so we wake up still tired. Well, I know I often wake up tired! I don't notice myself dreaming that much, but it says that often, people can't remember what went on while they were in REM sleep, because dreams aren't usually meant to be remembered. It says that sometimes, depressed people wake up tired a couple of hours before we want to, but can't get back to sleep, but that can be because the brain won't let us go back to sleep because it can't cope with any more dreaming sleep that would exhaust us even more, since the couple of hours before we wake up is usually when we have most of our dreaming sleep. It says it's as if the battery's flat. It says that what prompts the brain to start and carry on dreaming every night is an electrical signal that fires off in the brain every so often before and during our dreams, a thing that tells our brains during the day when something new's happening, for instance if we suddenly hear something or see something different, or smell something we weren't expecting. Whenever we do that, the electrical signal fires off. It's part of the survival mechanism that alerts us to things that might possibly be danger signs, or just helps us alert ourselves to interesting things, so we can do something about them. But so much energy has been discharged in dreaming sleep that the electrical signal doesn't fire off nearly as much as it should in the morning, so it doesn't perform its normal function of alerting us to what's going on around us so we can switch attention from one task to another, see what needs doing and get interested in different things. So it's difficult for us to motivate ourselves to get going, and hard to do things that require even small shifts in our attention, like getting dressed, making a phone call or eating properly. Maybe that's one reason why I find it so difficult to get out of bed in the morning, and why I don't feel like doing anything when I do. It says that because we can't get ourselves interested in things, we can feel as if everything's meaningless and not worth doing. Our energy levels will recover a bit during the day, but then if we start the worry cycle off all over again, probably with the extra worry about why we feel so tired and unmotivated to do even little things, we'll build up a whole new lot of emotional energy that needs discharging in our dreams, so the next morning, we'll feel just as exhausted again. And the same thing can happen day after day. It says that in the laboratory, it's been found that when depressed people have been woken up when they've started having REM sleep so they don't dream so much, they don't feel so depressed the next day. Interesting. But it says that when people are allowed to sleep normally again, they have more REM sleep than usual to make up for it, so they feel worse. The Depressing Effects of Watching Television It says that watching television can have the same exhausting effect on us, since so many things keep happening to grab our attention on the television that our electrical signals keep firing off until they use up all their energy. It says that research has found that people who watch it for long periods end up feeling tired and less able to concentrate. So it says it's not a good idea for people to watch a lot of television when we're depressed. It says that exercise, on the other hand, or doing hobbies, can improve our mood. Some Counselling Can be Harmful It says that some counsellors think it's important to encourage depressed people to dwell on the bad things that have happened to us, to try and find out the cause of our depression. But dwelling on bad things will just make us worse, because of all the emotion it will cause us to build up that'll need deactivating at night during the dreaming sleep that'll tire us out. It also says that dwelling on negative things familiarises the brain with doing that, so it comes more and more easily, and thinking of positive memories gets harder the less we do it, because the brain isn't used to it. That's probably what happened to me, partly. The Problems with the Kinds of Worries Depressed People Tend to Have It says that a lot of the things depressed people worry about can't be deactivated during the day by us taking action, because the worries aren't about things that can be resolved in practical ways, like a person's anxiety over an exam could when they'd taken it, for example. It says the kind of worries depressed people have usually can't be deactivated like that, because they're much more vague, or they don't have obvious solutions. For example, we can just brood for hours on things that happened in the past, or things that didn't happen that we wanted to happen, that we can't do anything about now. Or we can helplessly turn worries over and over in our heads about things that we think are far too complicated for us to know how to deal with. Yes, I'm always doing that. It says that as we get more and more upset, we might be full of exaggerated worries, like worrying about how we can possibly entertain a few guests who are coming to our home when we're so hopeless at everything we do; or worrying over whether the slight grumpiness of the love partner we've had for years means they're going to leave us, and that we just wouldn't be able to cope if they did; or whether people hate us because we must be making them miserable by being so miserable ourselves; or why we're so miserable all the time. We can think thought after thought like that that makes us even more convinced that things are hopeless, because we can't think clearly enough to get a balanced view on things, because the emotional part of our brain's blocking the intelligent side from functioning well because we're too worked up. So we might have a stream of thoughts like, "I always make a mess of things. He's going to think I'm a failure. This whole thing's bound to go wrong anyway. And since the world's in such a terrible state, what's the point of trying? Why should I even bother going on anymore?" Yes, I know my thoughts can be a bit like that. The information says that our thoughts just make us more and more upset. So they fill us with unexpressed emotion that has to be released from the system when we're dreaming. If we thought about our problems realistically and thought of solutions to them, and resolved to take action about them, or found solutions to them earlier in the day and took action then and there, the emotion would be deactivated while we were awake, so we wouldn't have to get rid of it in our sleep. But since we don't come up with solutions to our worries, that doesn't happen. Getting a More Refreshing Sleep It says that we can help ourselves to get a more refreshing sleep if we can spend the time that we'd normally spend worrying about things without actually deciding what to do about them doing relaxation exercises instead. It says they'll distract us from our upsetting thoughts so we don't spend the time worrying, because we're doing them instead, and they'll calm us down from the upset state we might have begun to get ourselves into. Then we won't be storing up so much emotional energy, so we won't dream so much because the brain doesn't have so much of it to discharge, and so we'll wake up more refreshed, and so more motivated to do the things we used to like to do before. It says that relaxation exercises might also put us in a better mood to sleep, so we'll get to sleep much more easily. Then we'll have more of the type of sleep that refreshes our bodies, and that'll be another reason we'll be more energetic the next day. It describes several relaxation exercises we could do. It suggests that when we start getting all emotional about something, it could help if we think, "Aha! I know what's happening! My Amygdala's flooding the rest of my brain with more emotional signals than I need. I can take control of this. I'm going to make them subside by doing some relaxation exercises! Then I'll be able to think more clearly about how to solve my problems." Or if the minute we begin to feel ourselves becoming down, if we say to the emotional side of our brains, "This isn't what I need right now, thanks", the feelings might just go away if we've caught them before they get too bad. I don't know about that. I'll have to try it. But the information says that the more we do relaxation exercises, the slower we'll be to become all emotional in the first place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Two Relaxation Exercises: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men. --Captain J. A. Hadfield -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The information says that if we can set aside a time every day to do some relaxation exercises, we might feel a lot of benefit, because they might make us feel calmer for some time afterwards. It says there are some easy ones that we'll probably be able to memorise and do whenever we're feeling a bit stressed, like breathing very slowly and evenly for several minutes. It says that that on its own can make people feel much calmer. But it says that if we like, there are a variety of relaxation exercises we can do, and to help us remember them, we could read the ones they suggest onto a tape. It says we should Try to make a quiet time for ourselves and do some relaxation exercises every day, for longer when we feel upset. I think I'll try to set aside about half an hour, or even an hour or ninety minutes just for those before I go to bed each night. I often sit in front of television programmes that aren't really that good in the evenings, so missing them to do the relaxation exercises won't be that much of a sacrifice. Or if I go to bed and then do them, I might lull myself to sleep with them. That'll be good, since I usually do so much worrying at night, so it'll be nice to relax instead. I've got a tape recorder that turns itself off when the tape ends, so it won't matter if I fall asleep during any relaxation exercises I do after I've read them onto a tape. I think I'll set a time in the afternoon to do a few as well when I'd normally be lying around on the bed feeling miserable. It gives us some relaxation exercises to do, and recommends we spend several minutes on each one. Making a Relaxation Tape I think it would be nice to make a relaxation tape, if there's a day soon where I don't feel too depressed to do anything. I could put together my favourite relaxation exercises from the list it gives, and then take a tape recorder outside if it's a nice day, and go somewhere where the birds are singing, so I can use that as a soothing background, and then I can read the relaxation exercises onto tape there. Or I could go down to the beach one day and record some of the exercises with the sea in the background, or see if I can get a CD of the sounds of waves or other relaxing sounds from the library, and put it on in the background while I read the exercises onto tape. I could do some with sea in the background, and some with birds in the background. I could read the instructions for each exercise onto tape, and then at the end of each one, I could wait for a certain amount of time that I decide on beforehand to give me time to do the exercise afterwards when the tape's playing, a few minutes or so, probably, while the nice background noise is going on. And then I could say, "OK", to let myself know it's time to finish it, and then go onto reading the next exercise. If I'm just feeling too depressed and unmotivated to make the tape, maybe someone else would be willing to record it for me if I told them what I want on it. Or I could buy one. I might need two tapes for all of the exercises on the list here. If I do, when the tapes are recorded, maybe I can do the exercises on one tape one night and the other one the next, and keep alternating them like that. I've tried to do relaxation tapes before, but I was so depressed that I just couldn't seem to take in the instructions. But if I put the tapes on anyway several nights running, maybe I'll gradually get used to the idea of doing them and build up to doing more and more of what's on each tape. I'll see. If I pick my favourite relaxation exercises to go on the tape or tapes, maybe I'll pick them up more quickly. Or I could just concentrate on doing a couple of easy ones at first, the shortest ones, maybe starting straightaway and doing them from memory before I do the tape. Actually, when I start making plans for the tape, I think I'll begin by just putting a little selection of exercises on it just for practice, and then putting a couple more on to try after that, and building up like that, to make sure I get on allright with them all, or to see if I'd prefer to do any of them for a different length of time than the information recommends. It does say we can do that. I don't have to be in any hurry to make the tape for real. If I just put a few of the exercises on a tape to begin with, I'll practice following the instructions several times, in case I can't do them that well at first but get better and better with practice. Then I'll put some of the other exercises on the tape and try them several times, and then when I'm confident I can do them, I'll do the tape again for real and put them all on it. I'll make a point of doing a special outing or two somewhere to get nice background noise for them when I do the tape properly. ... I think I've decided which of the exercises to read onto the tape now when I put them all on it. I'll read these: The Relaxation Exercises Themselves Exercise 1: Deep Breathing One way of calming yourself down is by breathing deeply and slowly. Try breathing in to the count of six, then pausing for a second, and then breathing out to the count of nine. Close your mouth, and breathe entirely through your nose if you can, to make sure you breathe more slowly. If it makes you feel a bit dizzy at first, count up to lower numbers or count faster for a little while so your breaths aren't so deep, but gradually slow it down and try to count till you reach the original numbers. The numbers you count to aren't important in themselves; what is is taking some time to breathe each breath, so you slow your breathing down. Do this for four minutes. ... OK. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This one sounds so easy I'm sure I can do it without waiting till it's on a tape. I'll just be able to remember what to do. It might be like that with some of the others as well. So I can start right away, from memory. I could practice this breathing exercise whenever I have a private moment or when I'm doing something that doesn't require all my attention, since I can do slow breathing while I'm doing other things. Maybe the more regularly I practice, the more relaxed I'll feel during the day. It says the first few times we practice the breathing, it can help if we're somewhere comfortable where we won't be disturbed, with our clothes loose so they won't be a distraction if they're uncomfortable. It says we should sit comfortably with our hands resting side by side in our lap, or lie with our arms by our sides, or in whatever position feels most relaxed and comfortable, and we should have our legs uncrossed, since our posture will be more relaxed then. We should close our eyes. Then it recommends that we become aware of the sensation of our arms, legs and head at rest. We should breathe in and out about ten to twenty times, focusing our minds on slowly counting, rather than on any other thoughts. It says we don't have to worry about doing the exercises it recommends exactly right. It says we should just do them in the way it feels best for us. It says that when we're used to calming ourselves down by breathing slowly, we won't have to make sure we sit somewhere comfortable first; we can just breathe in that rhythm wherever we are, whatever position we're in, whenever we feel tense, or if we're finding it hard to make a simple decision, or if we want to cry, or whatever. Anyway, back to what I'm going to read onto the tape: Exercise 2: Focusing Entirely on your Breathing Make time for yourself in a quiet place, and relax still further by banishing worrying thoughts from your mind by focusing entirely on your breathing. Again, breathe in and out through your nose, or through partly closed lips if your nose is blocked or something. When you're used to counting when you breathe in and out, you'll be used to the rhythm and won't have to focus so much of your attention on counting. Instead, think of a single phrase when you breathe in, and another when you breathe out. For instance, when you breathe in, you could say to yourself, "I'm breathing in a nice, slow, cool breath", and when you breathe out, you could say to yourself, "I'm breathing out a nice, slow, steady, warm, relaxing breath". Focus all your attention on your breathing and those words. If any other thoughts intrude, try to push them aside gently and focus entirely on the current breath you're breathing, so you don't start thinking worrying things. Continue to breathe in and out slowly, saying "I'm breathing in a nice, slow, cool breath" and "I'm breathing out a nice, slow, steady, warm, relaxing breath", thinking about your breathing for four minutes. ... OK. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For the next exercise, I'm going to pause for about thirty seconds between each instruction I read about relaxing the muscles. I'll write the word [pause] every time I'm supposed to pause on the tape, just to remind myself to pause, but not to read out. Exercise 3: Muscle Relaxation Lie down or sit in a comfortable chair. Breathe slowly and steadily for a few moments as instructed in exercise 1. Try to focus on your breathing, and on thinking the word "Relax" as you breathe out, rather than on negative thoughts. [Pause] Then between each couple of breaths, relax the muscles in each part of your body. Start with your facial muscles: Tense the muscles in your forehead by raising your eyebrows high for a second or two, and then relax them. Notice how much more pleasant it feels when they're relaxed. [Pause] Then screw up the rest of your face for a second or two so the other muscles become tense. Tense them up gently, then very slowly release the tension and take time to feel how nice the contrast is when they relax. Then take a couple more slow breaths, focusing your mind on your breathing again. [Pause] Then gently tense your facial muscles one more time and relax them slowly, concentrating on the feel of them as they relax. If you can't feel them relaxing, tense them up more tightly first. [Pause] Tense the muscles in your jaw by biting your teeth together, and then relax them slowly. Feel the tension go out of them as they relax. [Pause] Then tense the muscle in your tongue by pushing the tip against the roof of your mouth, and then slowly relax it. Feel the tension go out of it. Enjoy the sensation. [Pause] Then tense the muscles in your lips, by pushing your lips together for a second or two. Then slowly relax them, feeling the tension go out of them. Focus on how relaxed they're beginning to feel while you let the tension go. [Pause] Work your way down your body doing this technique: Pull your shoulder muscles up towards your head and then very slowly let them relax. Focus your mind on how much more relaxed they're beginning to feel, and the contrast between the tension and how relaxed they are now. Luxuriate in the sensation. Remember to take one or two slow breaths as well after every release of tension in each muscle. [Pause] Then tense the muscles in your chest, by taking a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds. Then let it go slowly, feeling the tension go. Notice the relief. Then keep your breathing more relaxed as it was before. [Pause] Then gently tense your arm muscles and relax them. Bend your left arm first as if you're trying to touch your left shoulder with your wrist. Relax it slowly, noticing and enjoying the contrast between the tension and the relaxation. [Pause] Then gently tense your right arm by bending it up, and then gradually relax it, enjoying the sensation of gradual relaxation in it. [Pause] Then straighten your left arm out and hold it tensely for a couple of seconds. Then very slowly let go of the tension. Focus your mind all the while on how much more relaxed it's beginning to feel now you're letting all the tension go. [Pause] Then straighten your right arm out, tense it up, and then gradually relax it, noticing the increasing sensation of relaxation in it. [Pause] Then clench your left fist, and then very slowly unclench it, feeling all the tension go out of it. Focus your mind on how much better it feels now it's relaxing. [Pause] Then clench your right fist, and then unclench it very gradually, paying attention to the increasing sensation of relief and the ebbing away of tension in it as you unclench it. [Pause] Then tense your stomach muscles gently by pulling your stomach in, and then relax it slowly. Do this provided you haven't just eaten a big meal. Remember to breathe in and out slowly and steadily a few times afterwards, while noticing how much better the muscles feel when they're relaxed. [Pause] Then gently tense the muscles in your hips and lower back, by slightly arching your back and tensing your buttocks a bit. Hold the position for a second or two. Then gradually relax them, and enjoy the feeling of the tension draining away. [Pause] Then tense your leg muscles gently. First, straighten your left leg and point your toes downwards. Hold the position for a second or two, although be careful to do it gently if you're prone to getting cramp in your legs. Then very slowly bend your leg again and release the tension, focusing your mind on how good it feels to relax the muscles. [Pause] Then straighten your right leg and hold it tense for a second or two, with your toes pointing downwards, and then relax it, gradually releasing the tension in it, focusing your mind on how much better it feels as it's relaxing. [Pause] After a few more slow breaths, curl the toes on your left foot up tight, and then very slowly uncurl them, releasing the tension in them, luxuriating in the feeling of them relaxing, noticing how much better it feels. [Pause] Then curl the toes up on your right foot, and then slowly release the tension in them, reflecting on how much nicer it feels when they're relaxing than when they're tense. [Pause] If you notice that any part of your body has become tense again, just imagine it relaxing again, taking several seconds to move it around lazily and spend time noticing how good it feels to relax it. If your body's fully relaxed, just enjoy the sensation of relaxation for a while. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the relaxation exercise and focus on your breathing. [Pause for a minute] When you've done the exercises on all your muscles, sit or lie still for another minute or so, just breathing slowly and feeling the relaxation in your body, imagining you're sinking into something soft and comfortable. [Pause for a minute] ... OK. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For the next exercises, it says we're supposed to close our eyes. Exercise 4: Day-Dreaming About a Holiday Try to remember one of the best holidays or day trips you've ever been on. Close your eyes and spend five minutes imagining you're back there, enjoying the sights, sounds and feelings again. Imagine you're reliving the best bits, starting at the beginning and going through them at your own pace in your imagination as far as you can remember them, taking pleasure in them again. Try to make the day-dream as realistic as possible, imagining as many details as you can think of. Don't let any negative thoughts intrude. Gently push anything like that out of your mind, and just enjoy the day-dream. Try to imagine it as vividly as possible. ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I could try to think of a different holiday each time I listen to the tape, or the same one more than once if I can think of a good one, or sometimes just days out. Exercise 5: Day-Dreaming About a Nice Place Close your eyes, and imagine walking onto a clean, sandy beach on a warm Summer's day. [Pause for 20 seconds] Imagine sitting in a comfortable deckchair that's been put there for you, and taking your shoes and socks off. You lie back in the comfortable chair. Imagine the feel of the warm sand beneath your feet. Imagine wiggling your toes, taking pleasure in the sensation of the warm sand brushing against them. [Pause for 30 seconds] Children are playing, building sandcastles and paddling in the sea. You enjoy watching them as you relax in the warmth of the sun. [Pause for 30 seconds] The sea's calm, and you enjoy listening to the quiet sound of the waves, looking at the clear blue water and the people paddling, swimming and surfing. You notice seagulls above, as a few fly past, calling to each other. [Pause for 30 seconds] The sun's bright and warm. You hear the sound of children's laughter as they play together. You see some brightly-coloured seashells around you and think about how beautiful they look. You take several long, slow breaths, enjoying the smell of the sea air. You feel all the tension drain away from you and feel calm and peaceful. [Pause for 30 seconds] Imagine yourself reclining in the chair enjoying the sunshine and the sights, sounds, smells and feel of the beach for another three minutes. If any negative thoughts intrude, don't worry about them, but just gently push them out of your mind and bring it back to the day-dream, thinking about it as vividly as you can. ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 6: Daydreaming About Another Nice Place With your eyes closed, imagine walking down a path into a beautiful woodland on a warm day, with a gentle, soothing breeze rustling the leaves on the trees, and the sun shining through the tree tops. You can hear the birds chirping, and you can smell scented flowers and see them under the trees. You walk among the trees for a while, admiring their beauty, smelling their scent and listening to the rustling of dried leaves under your feet. [Pause for three minutes] You walk back onto the path again and stroll lazily down it, taking in the sights, sounds and smells all around you. You see a few birds flying around, and enjoy the sunshine. [Pause for one minute] After a while, you come to a clearing. There are moss-covered mounds of earth and flat rocks, and you sit down on one of them in the sunshine. A gentle little stream flows by. You listen to the soothing noise it's making and watch the clear water as it flows along over stones and little rocks. You feel warm and comfortable, enjoying the sunshine and the scented quiet atmosphere. Sometimes, you spot glimpses of cute little woodland animals as they play together. You take several long, slow breaths, feeling relaxed and peaceful. [Pause for four minutes] You get up, walk slowly back along the path under the scented trees with the flowers underneath, and eventually come out of the wood. [Pause for two minutes] ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 7: Imagining your Thoughts are Floating Away on Clouds Notice your breathing, but don't try to regulate it for the following exercises. With your eyes Closed, imagine you're lying on a soft carpet of long grass with little flowers like daisies in it all around you on a warm day, looking up at a clear blue sky. Try to empty your mind of all thoughts, so it becomes like the sky, clear and empty of clouds. If any thoughts that are the least bit disturbing do intrude into your mind, imagine breathing them out, and that then they form clouds that are blown away by your breath up and across the sky like they would be on a gentle breeze, till they disappear and your mind's clear again, like the sky. Imagine this for four minutes. ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 8: Imagining your Thoughts are Blowing Away on Autumn Leaves Imagine you're lying under a shady tree on a warm, sunny September day. Autumn leaves are rustling in the breeze all around you and you admire their colouring. A few birds are singing quietly. Try to empty your mind of all bad thoughts. If any negative thoughts enter your mind, imagine breathing them out, and that they land on fallen leaves and are blown away in the wind. Imagine lying there peacefully enjoying the sights and sounds, and the feel of the soothing, cool, slightly scented breeze on your face, for four minutes. ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 9: Imagining your Thoughts are Floating Away on Leaves in a Stream Close your eyes, and imagine you're lying by a clear little stream that's gently flowing along, on a warm, sunny Autumn day, with beautiful fruit trees all around you. Imagine watching leaves being carried down the stream on the current. Try and clear your mind of all negativity. If negative thoughts do enter your mind, imagine breathing them out and noticing them blow away and fall into the stream and being carried away on the current on the leaves. Imagine this for four minutes. ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 10: Speaking Relaxing Words Take several long, slow breaths. Try to clear your mind of all negative thoughts. Daydream a bit about relaxing places to get you in the mood if you like. [Pause for a minute] Now repeat phrases to yourself a few times slowly to the rhythm of your breathing, like: "I feel calm and relaxed." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I feel peaceful and contented." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I'm enjoying my time here relaxing." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I feel satisfied and safe." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I can feel all the tension leaving my body!" [Pause for twenty seconds] "I feel nice and quiet." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I'm taking long, slow breaths." [Pause for twenty seconds] "I'm feeling very comfortable and contented." [Pause for twenty seconds] "My mind is at peace." [Pause for twenty seconds] Exercise 11: Thinking About Past Achievements When you're feeling relaxed, close your eyes, and think about the things you've achieved in life, things that made you proud or pleased, or which other people have admired about you. Think right back to your earliest achievements as a child first if you can. Try and remember little successes you had when you were of school age, and then think forward through the years, thinking of each of the things you can remember that you know you've done well, or that other people have praised you for. Relive the experiences of success, going through the best moments in your mind again, imagining feeling the feelings you felt when you felt the sense of achievement all over again. Do this for four minutes. [Pause for four minutes] Now ask yourself what good qualities you must have if you could achieve those things. If the difficult times begin to come to your mind, ask yourself what the fact that you made it through them says about you. Think about the qualities you needed to succeed in making it through those times. Think about what that says about your capabilities. Begin to think of yourself as a more positive and capable person, confident that you can succeed in and enjoy taking on new things. Imagine yourself achieving similar things to some of the best things you've achieved in the past in the future. Do this for three minutes. [Pause for three minutes] ... OK. Gently bring yourself back to the room. [Pause for fifteen seconds] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exercise 12: Imagining Doing Favourite Hobbies and Things You're Good At Take several long, slow breaths, trying to focus your mind on your breathing rather than on thoughts about bad things in the past or worries about the future. When you're feeling relaxed, imagine doing one of your favourite hobbies, or something you know you're good at. If you used to like swimming, for example, imagine yourself building up to it gradually first: getting your swimming things, leaving the house to go to the swimming pool, feeling pleased about going. Imagine a problem-free journey, and then imagine walking into the building, and getting changed while feeling the sense of anticipation as you look forward to it. Then imagine getting into the pool and beginning to swim. Imagine you're really enjoying the exercise. Think about all the enjoyable things and sensations you experience when you're out swimming, and try to imagine them as vividly as possible. Do this for whatever hobby or interest you've chosen. [Pause for seven minutes] OK. gently bring yourself back to the room, and make a plan to do the hobby you've just imagined enjoying, for real. For instance, if you've just imagined enjoying going swimming, set a time to go, sometime in the coming days. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll try to think of different hobbies or interests each time I listen to the tape, things I used to love to do when I felt motivated and energetic enough, and would ideally like to do again. The information where I got these exercises says that imagining doing things is far more likely to motivate us to do them than just thinking about how we ought to do them will, because it engages the emotions, and if people feel pleasant emotions when they think about doing something, they're far more likely to want to do it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Three Stopping Ourselves Worrying and Thinking the Worst: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Education is wonderful - it helps you worry about things all over the world. --Joey Adams An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears the same may be true. --Doug Larson -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The information says that at times when we're relaxed, we're far more likely to be able to solve our problems, because we can think clearly about them. It says that depression isn't caused by bad life circumstances, but by the way we respond to them. It says that some people can have terrible things happen to them and perhaps be temporarily overwhelmed by them, but not go on to get depressed about them. It says that the reason some of us are more likely to get depressed about our life circumstances than others is because of the way we think about them. It says that we can make mistakes in our thinking that can make things seem even worse than they are, partly because the emotional part of the brain takes over when we worry too much so we can't think clearly enough about things, but partly because it's a habit we'll have got into anyway. It says there are mistakes we can make in our thinking that we're so used to that we won't usually notice there's anything wrong with them, but we can learn to catch ourselves making the mistakes, and then we can challenge the faulty thinking with more healthy thoughts. It says that one type of mistake we can make in our thinking is called black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking. That's where we can think that things affect far more of our lives than they really do, and that things are wonderful or terrible with no in between, putting the worst interpretations on bad things. So, for instance, if we over-sleep, we might think we won't have a chance to do anything useful with the rest of our day, when really it might just mean we have to reorganise things. Or if someone we know passes by in the corridor without smiling, we might think they can't like us any more, whereas really, they might not have smiled because they were deep in thought about something, or they were a bit upset about something and didn't feel like smiling at anyone, or they were busy talking to someone else so might not really have noticed us or been preoccupied with the conversation. Or if someone makes a suggestion to us about how we could do something a bit differently, we might jump to the conclusion that they're criticizing us and being nasty and get irritated with them, when really, they might have meant it in a nice way. Or if one thing goes wrong, we can think the whole day's gone badly, forgetting all the good things that happened. Or if one or two or a few parts of our lives are going badly, we might think our whole life's ruined, and there's nothing we can do to solve our problems, when that just isn't true. And so on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It says that a similar style of thinking is when we take things that go wrong personally, without considering all the other things that might have contributed to them going wrong. So, for example, if we cooked dinner and it didn't taste very nice, we might totally blame ourselves, rather than considering that a combination of things might have contributed to it, like that it may have stayed in the oven too long because the people it was made for turned up late, and the recipe instructions weren't that clear. We might worry about it for some time afterwards, criticizing ourselves for it, whereas other people might just apologise and then shrug it off and move on with their lives. Or if a relationship breaks up, we might take all the blame, worrying over whether we were perhaps not affectionate enough, or too affectionate, and that maybe we didn't give the other person enough space; or whether we just aren't lovable enough. Or we might agonize about what we must have done wrong, not considering that there were probably faults on both sides, and that it might have had quite a lot to do with habits or attitudes the other person had, or that we just might not have been compatible, having different interests, aims in life and attitudes to things, perhaps, so we weren't a good match. Or if a boss at work says our department's been performing badly, we might immediately start worrying that it's our own inadequate work that's let the side down, and even if we know of someone else who's obviously not working hard enough, we might still expect to be the one who gets the blame. Or if we lose our job because the company we've been working for has been doing badly, we might blame ourselves for choosing that company of all companies to go and get a job with, even though we couldn't really have known things would turn out the way they did. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It says that another kind of mistake us depressive people can make in our thinking is to think things going wrong in one part of our lives will affect the whole of them. So, for instance, if a marriage or romantic relationship fails, we might be sure our whole life is ruined, and so we might start thinking there isn't any point in bothering to go on, so we'll stop thinking our job's worthwhile even though we enjoyed it before, and we might stop taking pleasure and interest in our children's achievements, if we have any kids, because we might think there's little point in bothering, since life's just a mess. Or if we lose our job or don't get one we really want, we might think our whole life's a failure, so we might not think it's worth looking for another job. Or if we developed a serious disability, like losing an arm or our sight, we might think there was no chance of us ever being able to do anything worthwhile or be happy again, and think all the time about what we've lost, instead of beginning to plan for the future and investigate what we could still do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It says that depressives also assume things will be bad permanently, instead of seeing things as temporary setbacks, which they often are. So, for instance, if we lost a job or didn't get one we really wanted, we might think, "I'll never find another one!" So we'd think things were much worse than they really were and wouldn't see the point in doing things that might make them better. Or if a relationship ended or our love partner died, we might think, "I'll never ever find another person who I could love or who would love me". Or if we had our heart set on buying a certain house, but someone else got it instead, we might think we could never be happy again, despite the good things we still had in life, and other nice houses we might come across. Or if we failed an important exam, we might think the whole of our life was badly affected. So we might not take pride in other things we had achieved, because we might think that since we were failures, there wasn't any point in trying to achieve anything else, or that we couldn't have done that well in the things we thought we'd achieved after all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So it asks us to bring to mind the bad things that have happened in our lives recently and ask ourselves if we've been thinking of them in a similar way, attributing far more significance to them than we should have really, or taking the blame for them when things weren't really all our fault. Yes, I think I do do things like that, especially with Anthony my boyfriend who's studying miles away. Whenever he says he isn't going to come and see me because something else has come up, or if we have an argument, I do always think it must mean he can't like me any more, and that he might never want to see me again, whereas I usually find out that that isn't true in the end. I'll think through the other things that have made me depressed recently to see if I'm taking the same kinds of attitudes. It says that when we start getting upset because